THE GERMAN ABROAD

Travelling around you do meet some very different people.

When I was in Nepal I went to a football match in Kathmandu. The teams were dreadful and one of them was winning 5-0 at halftime. The team that were winning were playing a 3-5-2 formation and the other team quickly degenerated into the old playground formation of 1-0-9 (I want to score I want to score me me me).

Quite by accident I happened to be sitting next to the only other foreigner in the crowd. He was about 50 years old, German, and had a crazy story to tell.  

I asked him if he was a scout looking for players and he said no so I asked him if he was on holiday and he said no. Running out of options, I asked him if he worked in Nepal and he said no.

“What are you doing here then?”

“I travel the world and watch a football match in each country. I want to see a game in EVERY country in the world. This is my 85th country.”

“Wow, thats great. Do you make a holiday of it every where you go? Is your family with you?”

“No, I come on my own. I got here yesterday and I leave tonight. I am going to Bhutan to watch a game and then I am going home to Germany the next day.”

“Let me get this straight… you have come all the way here from Germany and you won’t see anything else in the country other than the airport, the football stadium and a hotel room?”

“Yes. I have been trying for years to get into North Korea to watch a game but they won’t let me.”

It seems very odd to me to go to all these places and never try to go and see anything. I try to go to a game wherever I go too but I certainly wouldn’t go to the game at the expense of seeing the other things which the given country has to offer.

I do still wonder what number the guy is onto now and if he did get into North Korea.

THE A-Z NEPAL - Part 5

There are three posts today so if you want something else then there is more below. Anyway…
A few years ago I spent some time doing voluntary work (building a school) in rural Nepal.

It was far and away the best experience of my life. The warmth and the friendliness of the people despite everything they have to put up with is something I will never forget.

When I got home I wrote a 6000 word A-Z of Nepal for the volunteers the next year so they would have a bit more of an idea when they arrived.

This was all 4 years ago so some of the information is out of date. Nevertheless, I am going to serialise it here.

Here is the 5th part, P.

Parts 1-4 can be found by scrolling down at this link.

The A-Z of Nepal

P

P is for People - aside from the odd chancer in tourist areas it is difficult to describe just how nice the people in this country are. Travellers who have come to Nepal from India often comment on how the difference is like night and day. Well mannered in their own way and courteous at all times, many of them would like nothing better than for you to eat daalbaat with them, no strings attached. Crime is incredibly low and you can feel safe walking down streets at night or leaving your things in your hotel room. They have an infectious habit of laughing when faced with adversity which can put you completely at ease with a situation. Whether they are making money from you or not, most of the people simply want you to enjoy yourself (and enjoy daalbaat).

P is for Pokhara - Pokhara does a fairly convincing impression of paradise. Take as an example this diary entry……….Ke Garne?

picture from http://www.pokharalodge.com/

The Nepali national saying (if there is such a thing) is “Ke garne?” which means “What to do?”. What to do indeed if you have just finished a month in a remote village in fairly harsh conditions. In Pokhara, mid-Nepal, for a foreigner, this is the essential dilemma you are faced with, but it’s a positive dilemma.

An early wake-up at 7am is followed by a stroll onto the hotel rooftop garden for a cup of tea (and a cigarette - if you are so inclined) and to see the entire Annapurna range of the Himalayas before the monsoon clouds roll in. That said though, they only roll in a little so as to slightly obscure the view, Pokhara itself remains in brilliant sunshine.

You may then want to get in touch with home to rave about the views. No problem, Internet is available everywhere and is about 2 pence per minute (if you are feeling flush you can phone home for a pound a minute). Then its off for a leisurely breakfast - with all the other things you can’t get in the rest of Nepal - this may all seem extremely important if you have been in a village and eaten nothing but lentils and rice for more than a month.

Then you may wish to take a boat out onto Phewa Lake. This will cost about 350 rupees (3 pounds) for a whole day. On the lake you are still afforded magnificent Himalayan views and you can simply wallow in the sunshine. You may want to take a CD Walkman and listen to music, which you haven’t done properly for a month either. If the rowing becomes too strenuous it is possible to put in at any number of little jetties (or not if you don’t feel like it). Just a little further along you will come to an excellent restaurant called “Typical Restaurant”. The reason why it is called this, I regret to say, I can’t fathom. Here you will sit in the garden and eat freshly caught fish from the lake which is both excellently prepared and delicious.

If all this relaxation gets a bit much for you, you can get in your boat again and head back to the shore (slowly of course). On this journey you may come across your friends who are happily swimming in the river and/or rowing themselves around. Even if your friends don’t fancy rowing (well, it’s a bit much like work isn’t it?) they can balance on an underwater pipe to stop them from drifting (drifting, it must be added, very slowly, even the currents are relaxed in Pokhara). After you have exchanged pleasantries with them about hampers, scones, and straw boater hats (Henley Regatta jokes are allowed here), you will probably feel its time to get to shore, after all, its been about 3 hours without a cocktail and that has become your most pressing concern.

All this moving about does get tiresome. So, to ensure you don’t have to do too much of it tomorrow, you can go into one of the many excellent restaurants and arrange for the following evening for you and your friends to be served food in a private room at no extra cost and watch a film of your own choice, after all, you may not have seen one for a month.

Later on in the evening after you have sunbathed and read in the 30-degree heat (books of all persuasions from the sublime to the silly are readily and cheaply available in the many bookshops), you might feel a bit peckish. Why not then, go to the best restaurant in Pokhara (the Lemon Tree)? You can have Indian, Nepali, Chinese, or European food - all excellently prepared - hell, why not have a cold beer or two also because those cocktails can get too fruity after a while can’t they?

After consuming this excellent repast you may feel it is time for fun and to play a game or two. So you go forth to pub/club where you can play pool for free and your friends, if they so wish, can set up and perform an open stage set through the P.A. system as you play pool! You may even meet two people from Motherwell (well - you can’t have everything can you?). After your friends have finished their live performance you will be allowed to choose the music in the club. And finally, after a mini lock-in,

you may choose to buy a beer more each by way of a nightcap and toddle off to your hotel safe in the knowledge of a job well done and confident you have only spent about 11 pounds.

P is for Popcorn - for some bizarre reason happy hour in Nepali bars means you get free popcorn with your beer.

P is for Porters - apparently the average porter can carry up to 80kg. This is more than the weight of an average person being hauled up a mountain. And all of this is done of course, wearing flip-flops.

P is for Powercut – frequent but short-lived. Landslides or thunderstorms can cause them in the monsoon season

P is for ‘Pheri Betola’ - which means ’see you later’.

THE A-Z OF NEPAL

A few years ago I spent some time doing voluntary work (building a school) in rural Nepal.

It was far and away the best experience of my life. The warmth and the friendliness of the people despite everything they have to put up with is something I will never forget.

When I got home I wrote a 6000 word A-Z of Nepal for the volunteers the next year so they would have a bit more of an idea when they arrived.

This was all 4 years ago so some of the information is out of date. Nevertheless, I am going to serialise it here.

Here is the first section which is A to C…

A

A is for Altitude - The Himalayas are known as “the roof of the world” and even in Kathmandu you are at around 800 metres altitude. Altitude sickness can kick in at around 2,500m but you can easily find yourself getting tired quickly at lower levels. You probably won’t notice it in Kathmandu or Pokhara but when you get out into the villages it will hit you. After about a week you should have adjusted and be able to move about as normal. If you are very high up though, it won’t get much easier for a long time.

A is for Americans - not the most popular people in Nepal. There are several reasons for this. The Maoists have declared that they do not want Americans in Nepal. As a response to this the US government has warned its citizens not to go there. However, there are still American tourists and more than that there are allegedly American troops too (although estimates vary as to how many - the figure I heard most was about 100 soldiers). The US and Nepali governments both say that the troops are only there to train the Royal Nepal Army in order to defeat the Maoist insurgents. Whilst the Maoists are certain to be annoyed by this fact alone they contend that the US military wants to set up a permanent residence, which may or may not be true. This would be strategically important and advantageous for the US due to the proximity to China. If you meet a Maoist he is likely to ask you if you are an American, even if you are, just say no. Americans will not get trouble in the tourist areas, but if they stray into the villages they may be unlucky.

A is for Army - the Royal Nepal Army are, at time of writing, extremely active in Nepal. The political troubles mean that there are checkpoints everywhere and there are heavily armed soldiers roaming around at all hours. Whilst the numbers are impressive the effectiveness doesn’t seem to be. The army is also extremely unpopular with the average Nepali.

B

B is for the Batcave - just outside Pokhara is the Batcave or ‘Chomero Gupha’. Now that his secret is out it appears that Bruce Wayne will have to move elsewhere. Also, given that the batcave is in Nepal it gives us an idea how fast the batmobile must go if he could always get to Gotham City to catch criminals in time.

B is for Buff (Buffalo) - Hindu religion does not permit the eating of beef. However, you will find it relatively easy to get a buff steak. There is no massive difference between beef and buff (in fact sometimes buff is beef which has been culled in India and sent to Nepal but remains buff on the menu so as not to offend strict Hindus).

C

C is for Child mortality - this is a huge problem in Nepal. 27,000 children die every year from diarrhoea alone. With the political problems currently faced by Nepal and a growing population (its expected to double in the next 25 years) this problem is going to get worse unless drastic steps are taken to improve sanitation and provide clean drinking water.C is for Commission - this is the favourite game of many of the more “colourful” traders. When you arrive at the airport you may have a hotel in mind. You may ask the taxi driver to take you there. Do not be surprised if you are then informed that the hotel has burnt down or has changed its name or some such thing. It hasn’t burnt down or changed its name - you have just been playing your first game of COMMISSION^TM. The taxi driver in addition to your fare will be receiving a slice of your hotel bill too. Kathmandu is where the most skilled players are and as long as you don’t take any nonsense and argue in order to get where you really want to go, it can actually be quite funny (on the other hand, it can be a fright if you have just been informed that the hotel all your friends who arrived the day before you are in has burnt down - which is what happened to me).

C is for Corruption - always a major problem. Many anti-globalisation protestors and NGOs do not like people raising this issue in relation to developing nations in case people decide to withdraw their support because they do not feel their money will go where it is most needed. Nonetheless, it is a problem and ignoring it will not make it go away. The “Kathmandu Elite” tend to misappropriate a lot of funds that were meant to go to more worthy causes. When the Maoists first started out they worked mainly at exposing the corruption in Nepal. This is why at first they were extremely popular.

C is for Crime - despite having a civil war on Nepal, in terms of street crime is actually one of the safest places you could visit. Crime is incredibly low and there really isn’t a problem at all with regards petty theft and muggings and the like. Tourists have less chance of being mugged or robbed here than maybe anywhere else they could go.

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P.S.

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