Where Have You F*cking Been?

317The United States government today issued an unusually bellicose response to the latest spying scandal.

President Obama, otherwise known as The Pope Of Hope, took to the stage with an unusually angry demeanour and proceeded to berate both the journalists in the room and the wider world.

“Where have you all f*cking been for 60 odd years?” his speech began.

He continued…

There are three main pillars of control in this world, military, economic and cultural. We’ve had firm control of them all since the end of World War 2, and that became even stronger after the collapse of the Soviet Union. I mean, dammit, how the blistering f*ck could you all have failed to notice this?

Let me spell it out for you. We control the IMF and the World Bank so we control finance. The dollar is the world’s currency – every transaction in dollars that happens, we get some. Iraq had an idea about switching and look what happened to them.

Militarily, we spend more money on weapons than the rest of the world combined more or less, and we have been almost continually at war somewhere in the world since the end of World War 2.

Culturally speaking, people all around the world watch American programmes, listen to American music, eat American food and wear American clothes. It doesn’t matter if they are any good or not, we use you guys (here Obama addressed the journalists in the room) to tell people what to like.”

Obama’s conclusion did not show contrition…

So this is where we have stood for years, and now you’re getting stroppy about people reading a couple of f*cking emails? I want to make this clear to other leaders, we’ll get you out of office in one way or another if we don’t like what you’re up to.

Yes We Can.

Journalists present seemed aghast at the speech and one explained why…

“The fact that he has boldly come out and stated these things is going to make it much harder for us to ignore it all in the future without making fools of ourselves.”

“These really are tough times for the journalistic profession.”

When asked if it didn’t mean that more than just the journalistic profession, it meant tough times for the world in general, the journalist replied…

“I wouldn’t know about that.”

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