Independent Scotland At Greater Risk Of Defeat By Alien Invasion Warning

Some clown who liked the X-files has warned that an Independent Scotland would be at greater risk of defeat by an Alien attack than a Scotland which remains part of the UK.

His warning warned that Scots should be warned about warnings. This specific warning warns that all these warnings are sufficient reason for Scots to be warned.

As part of his warning, Nonse Quitur, of the Highly Improbable Contingencies Department at Status Quo University said that…

Alien_Vs_Predator__Chess_by_Xidon“It is often said that the discovery of alien life would bring the human race together like never before. However, there is nothing in current law that would include an Independent Scotland in this scenario. An independent Scotland would have to apply to be considered human before being allowed to benefit from, or contribute to, any form of human solidarity in the event of an alien attack”.

When it was suggested to him that the laws of physics make interstellar travel highly unlikely, and that probability studies suggest that although alien life is likely to exist, in the vast majority of cases it is likely to be bacterial or microbial life, Nonse Quitur responded that such facts suggested that warnings weren’t being taken seriously, and this was reason for alarm.

He said that there should be alarm, and Scots should be alarmed, and that alarms should be raised – even in the event of nothing happening.

Furthermore he warned that Scots should also be alarmed in the event that aliens are peaceful…

“If peace was made with the aliens we can also foresee a scenario where, similar to the Darien project, any hypothetical Scottish trade missions to alien worlds would be doomed to failure. We feel it could lead to disaster even in a hypothetical situation, with hypothetical money”.

When it was pointed out to him that the laws of physics would again make most trade between anyone on any planets highly unlikely to be cost effective, and therefore this was something that wouldn’t apply only to an independent Scotland, he replied that…

“In our department we use different sets of numbers to arrive at our conclusions, and the laws of the physical universe are not something we see the need to take into account”.

When asked for comment, George Foulkes said that Lord Norvincciax of the Yazvidian galactic empire had told him personally that the aliens were waiting for the opportunity an independent Scotland would give them to launch their attack.

(Does all of this seem silly to you? It’s not too far off something that was out this week.)



  1. As the referendum approached, I rather expected politicians to start emitting random nasty words with “independence” inserted at convenient intervals: INDEPENDENCE HORROR TERROR SIN DANGER AWFULNESS BENEFITS INDEPENDENCE POVERTY RAVENOUS BUGBLATTER TAXES INDEPENDENCE ALIENS SLURRRP UUUUUUUUURGH etc. Just didn’t expect it to start quite so soon.

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