Protective Interventionism

It is nice to know that one my recent activities as inspired a little listener fiction.

The recent podcast with Doug Daniel gave the noble Curmudgeon a nudge to write the little short I include below. Something of an honour I think if you read his site and see how talented the man is. To reiterate what his huge marketing department came up with after exhaustive research into the product, buy his f*cking books.

To the story…

Protective Interventionism

(Pompous fanfare. A logo: FOX NEWS. Beneath it, the slogan: The News, Focked. Logo and slogan sung by the Bill O’Reilly Memorial Choir of the Ohio Ku Klux Klan. Cut to paired ANCHORBEINGS with twice the grin and twice the teeth)

FEMALE ANCHORBEING: Welcome back. I’m Oriannette Flusterkuff.

MALE ANCHORBEING: And I’m Jethro Collagen. And in the rest of the world today, the tiny island of England is threatened to be torn apart by war.

FEMALE ANCHORBEING: Yes, Jethro, the island split in two back in 2014 when the northern English country of Scotland voted to become independent. The rest of the island broke off diplomatic relations soon afterwards and tensions have been mounting over what locals call the North Burr-wick Question.

MALE ANCHORBEING: Yes, Oriannette, the southern part of England, which is called Britain and Northern Ireland, accuses Scotland of forcibly occupying several cities which properly belong to the south. However, the Scotch government at Eden-burg claims that the inhabitants of these cities begged Scotland to intervene.

FEMALE ANCHORBEING: Yes, Jethro. The populist president, Alan Salmon, claims that people in Britain are longing to be rescued from the British government, which has introduced unpopular austerity measures to counteract some of the unforeseen effects of previous unpopular austerity measures.

MALE ANCHORBEING: Yes, Oriannette, and they’ve also had to take Scotland’s nucular arsenal of mass destruction and house it in York so that it would become a proper nucular deterrent again like it was before independentisation. This has caused unpopularity in York, which is the city New York was named after once it stopped being called Amsterdam.

FEMALE ANCHORBEING: A fascinating historical snippet there, Jethro. The British government accuses Scotland of sending spies into the northern British and Northern Ireland city of Burr-wick to stir up the people and cause dissenters. According to our expert, Ahmed Chalabi, this is exactly the kind of thing Hitler did before he invaded Poland and caused the attack on Pearl Harbor, so a possibly serious situation for America there.

MALE ANCHORBEING: And speaking of serious situations, Oriannette, coming up we’ve got a discussion about whether the torture scenes in Roland Emmerich’s new movie George Orwell’s 1984 go just that little bit too far. Stay tuned.

He’s well worth the follow on twitter too.


One comment

  1. Thanks for the posting and the kind words.

    The link to my f*cking books leads to “Page not found” — the story of my literary life so far of course, but as literary criticism it’s a bit postmodern for my taste. The frustrated millions who have been trying to make a purchase might do better here. If it’s any incentive, Amazon won’t get a penny.

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