BEEN TRAVELLING AGAIN

I just returned from being away in Italy for 6 months so will have a few stories about that to come on the website soon. I went overland there and back from Scotland too, so the first story I will put up [in about 30 minutes] is about the journey.

I have previously been to quite a few places and this old song is [almost] still true…

I've Never met A Nice South African - sung by Spitting Image

I've travelled this old world of ours from Barnsley to Peru
I've had sunshine in the arctic and a swim in Tinbuktu
I've seen unicorns in Burma and a Yetti in Nepal
And I've danced with ten foot pygmies in a Montezuma hall
I've met the King of China and a working Yorkshire miner
But I've never met a nice South African.

No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant b***tards
Who hate black people

I once got served in Woolies aften less than four week's wait
I had lunch with Rowan Atkinson when he paid and wasn't late
I know a public swimming bath where they don't p1ss in the pool
I know a guy who got a job straight after leaving school
I've met a normal merman and a fairly modest German
But I've never met a nice South African.

No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of talentless murderers
Who smell like baboons

I've had a close encounter of the twenty-second kind
That's when an alien spaceship disappears up your behind
I got directory enquiries after less than forty rings
I've even heard a decent song by Paul McCartney's Wings
I've seen a flying pig in a quite convincing wig
But I've never met a nice South African.

No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
'Cause we're a bunch of ignorant loudmouths
With no sense of humour - ha ha

I've met the Loch Ness monster and he looks like Fred Astaire
At the BBC in London he's the chief commissionaire
I know a place in Glasgow which is rife with daffodillies
I met a man in Katmandu who claimed to have two willies
I've had a nice pot noodle but I've never had a poodle
And I've never met a nice South African.

No he's never met a nice South African
And that's not bloody surprising man
Because we've never met one either
Except for Breyten Breytenbach and he's emigrated to Paris.

Yes he's quite a nice South African
And he's hardly ever killed anyone
And he's not smelly at all.
That's why they put him prison.

5 comments

  1. Dear Michael,
    I want to tell you something i wasn’t able to tell u before:
    you have inspired me with scotland and its culture!
    i always had a passion 4 british culture even if u r not british but celtic as u always like to point out 😉
    if before i was 90% sure to move to the uk,now i’m positive to do so:
    i’ve decided to go with my best friend who has won a scolarship for wales…
    she is staying a year in cardiff:she is leaving in october,so in november ,when i’ll be done with my studies i’ll leave and give it a try and see what’s wales like…
    have u ever been there?is it nice?do u think it’s easy 4 me to find a job there?I would like to know your opinion and i especially want to thank you for motivating me so.
    If to you the most important thing is to help people, u should know that u helped me a big deal,so your trip after all wasn’t a complete failure or waste of time.
    hope u will have time to answer me because i know that u r very busy or just eager to relax after 6 months away from home…
    ps:thank u 4 your concern and the nice conversations we had during our car trips,those conversations i will miss,
    thank you a lot and good luck with your life.
    bye;)

  2. Pingback: loch ness monster

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