HOW TO RUN A COUNTRY (AND GET AWAY WITH IT) – Part 2

APPOINTING A CZAR – Appointing a Czar is a handy way of deflecting bad publicity on a difficult issue. Drugs, for example have been a hot issue for a long time and have caused successive governments major difficulties. Appoint a Czar and these problems simply go away.

czar

It’s easy – the case of Keith Halliwell is a good example.

Halliwell was appointed as the UKs Drugs Czar and given a remit to be extremely tough on both users and dealers. For his trouble Halliwell got a more high profile job at higher wages than before and the government got several things. Firstly, any successes could be claimed as government successes as the results came out in police reports and therefore “ the new crime policies are working”. Secondly any failures can be attributed to the failure of the Czar himself and not the government. And finally, any police excesses, despite the fact that you have encouraged tough policies, can be targeted at individual police forces or crime units and therefore the government also looks liberal and humanitarian. It’s a win-win situation. Power without responsibility, perfect!

Visiting The Troops – All those liberals and pacifists will hate you anyway but you can at least win some votes from people who don’t already hate you. Visiting the troops is a way of looking like you care. Even if you have sent them halfway across the world on a fools errand or to do something for economic rather than humanitarian gain you still look like you have the interests of everybody at heart if you turn up where they are and give them a thank you speech.

Official Visits –
Official visits are a great chance for improving your popularity. After all, it looks important when a couple of world leaders are up on stage together with the world’s media in tow. A couple of banal sound bites should be enough to pacify the media, as they will have some good pictures anyway.

Attending State Funerals – you don’t have to be in mourning for whoever has died, state funerals just give you a chance to get nattering with other leaders in time and place where you aren’t expected to come home with a trade deal.

Sucking Up To Royalty –
As a leader of the UK you will find yourself in an anomalous position regarding the monarchy. In effect, you tell them what to do whilst officially they are still the boss. You must be seen to be sycophantic and yet reverent at the same time. You must act deferential in public whilst being apoplectic about inane utterances by the heir to the throne on matters of which he knows little. You must go to the palace once a week to tell the Queen (or King) what you have been up to whilst simultaneously having your office telling her what she’ll be up to.

Setting Up A Royal Commission – Here is why..

  1. By the time it reports most of the press and public have forgotten about the issue in question anyway.
  2. If you don’t like them you are not obliged to follow any of the recommendations anyway
  3. Most members are so dull that most of the public automatically switch off when listening to them anyway

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