ROME IN THE TIME OF THE CHAKA DEMUS & PLIERS

I once turned down a totally free, all expenses paid trip to Rome.

I was 17 years old and still at a catholic school, though I had long given up any interest in the religion and had in fact come to resent it because of a number of things that had happened. [1]

The occasion I was being offered the trip to Rome for was one of the Scottish catholic archbishops being made into a cardinal. The catholic schools in Glasgow each had to send two students as representatives.

Even though I had never shown any interest in the religion I was asked to go to represent the school. A possible reason is that a girl I was friendly with at the time was selected as the female representative and she suggested me. Another is that they were trying to ‘wow’ me into it (you know, the majesty of Rome and the Vatican and everything).

I did consider it briefly (free trip to Rome after all) but quickly decided against it and recommended a good friend of mine instead, who duly went.

I remember everyone being nonplussed with my decision.

‘Why are you turning this down?’

‘Cos I think it is a lot of horse shite.’

‘Free trip to Rome ya tit.’

etc

Since then I have been locked into a cycle of being happy that I did the right thing morally and refused to go on some junket because I didn’t believe in the whole thing and thinking I was stupid for turning down the trip, especially because I haven’t been there since.

The second feeling was exacerbated by the tales of the holiday my friend told me. It turned out to be mostly sightseeing and free or cheap wine and champagne with only a little bit of religion thrown in. Maybe I could just have ignored the religion stuff and seen a bit of the world?

The odd thing is that a lot of the people who were saying I should just hang the religion and take the trip for the sake of the trip were religious people. An ex-girlfriend of mine was aghast and couldn’t see why I didn’t just go. I would have thought that people who actually believe in these things would have been happy that I made the correct moral choice and gave the trip to someone who would appreciate it more and not be tempted to stand at the back and shout ‘rubbish’ all the way through the ceremony.

Apparently not.

However, I have had the chance to do my fair share of travelling since then so it doesn’t seem so bad now.

Also, some of the pronouncements of the man that was made into a Cardinal have made me very happy about my decision.

Cardinal Thomas Winning was a man who thought that discrimination against gays was “not unjust” and that homesexuality is a “a disorder… that’s got to be… dealt with”. He also made another amount of bizarre and intolerant statements that made me glad of my decision not to attend.

Oh, and Tony Blair liked him too, so I obviously did the right thing.

[1] One of the things that had happened was that at my cousin’s confirmation a different bishop stood up and made his little speech which included a disgusting section about abuse. There had been a child abuse scandal involving the church, which he admitted was a bad thing. However, he said that far worse than this was ‘spiritual abuse’ of a child, which he defined as not bringing the child up to be a proper catholic.

Every parent in the room was furious and I waited for the meet and greet bit at the end and gave him a piece of my mind, which, being a bishop he certainly didn’t seem used to.